Happy Yuletide, everyone!

I know I've been very very absent, naughty me, but all these Christmas preparations have kept me busy. I'm not stressed out because of Christmas (or Solstice or Yuletide, as we pagans like to call it, tehehe), because I love it, but this time of year it still keeps me away from many other activities.

Life is good. Tomorrow we'll drive in a car packed with family and presents to my native eastern Finland, where there will be snow, yay, and temperatures below freezing, unlike here in Helsinki/Espoo. We'll be back this weekend, and after that I'll get back to blogging again.

I want to wish you all a very happy Yuletide - or hyvää joulua, like we say in Finnish. May your holidays be blessed with Christmas spirit, candle light, good food and drinks, love, friends and family. Maybe even a couple of nice gifts, if you've been nice this year. *grin* I can't wait for the following days this week, I'm so excited!

Christmas letters

Another week has passed, and I've still enjoyed this new lifestyle. I've always been an avid reader (ever since childhood - our parents read a lot to us, and I learned how to myself already when I was 3!), but after youth it's been difficult to find enough time to read books. When I was in University, I felt "reading-tired" after so much academical non-fiction, and preferred newspapers and magazines (and telly) when I had some time to myself. Working in an office full-time, and especially after I had Juudit, I just felt there was never enough time and I lacked the energy to pick up a book. It's easy to sort of grow out of the habit.

Of course there were some holidays etc. when I would read a couple of novels, but not as much and often as I used to. Working in publishing meant I had to "read for living" occasionally, but as I did mostly PR and foreign rights, it wasn't all that regular.

Now it's a different story. I write book reviews and other literature stories for magazines and websites, and I study Finnish literature in Open University. I also recommend books sometimes in the couple of "work blogs" I have, and I read foreign books and manuscripts for my old colleagues (editors) to let them know if I think they might be worth publishing. All this means I need to read at least a couple of books every week. Mostly novels, but some non-fiction and poetry, too. Many of my working days consist of just sitting in a café or at home reading a book. Not too bad, eh? *grin*

This week I was also supposed to do some Christmas preparations, but so far I haven't had the time. Today I'm going to buy paper and envelopes for Christmas letters, and over the weekend I'll put together the letters with some photos of our family attached (and an ultrasound shot of Bumpie) and print them out, as they have to be sent on Monday, if you want to use the cheaper Christmas stamps. And I do. :) Before this year I have sent just cards, sometimes ready-made and sometimes self-made, but I've liked the idea of Christmas letters for a long time, and decided this could finally be the time for them. They're not common in Finland, but recently some people have started to write them here, too. Many people I tend to send Christmas cards to are very old friends or distant relatives that I don't talk much to anymore - if at all. So I think it's a nice idea to let them know how we are and what we have been up to this year. Personally I'd love to have Christmas letters from everyone else, too!

Other than that I really need to make gift lists and start purchasing the presents. We also have to make travel plans for Christmas (to see my family that lives several hours away), and decide what food presents to cook and give out this year. Cakes, jam, mustard... I don't know yet, but I know it will be a difficult decision. :) Tomorrow I'm going to see my hairdresser, yay, and probably one of my girlfriends after that. On Sunday we're taking Juudit to this "Christmas path adventure" they have on Seurasaari, an open-air museum.

One more thing: Right after I talked about my difficult past life memories regarding mother-son relationships and losing sons, I had a very pleasant PL experience involving a son. Woo-hoo! I guess my sub-conscious thought I really needed one right now... ;) It was a whole new lifetime to me (I mean I hadn't remembered any of it previously) and it seemed to be one of those very easy and happy lifetimes that are apparently pretty few and far in-between. I've done some validation on my own and with the help of friends, but I'm still not sure of the era or the exact region. I know it was a long time ago and in Asia/Middle East, but during the regression I didn't get a date, and geographically I got first Persia, then India and later also Babylonia. Persia and India used to be neighbouring countries, and one Indian-born friend actually said it all sounded a lot like Rajasthan, the area that used to border Persia. I've always known I have a connection there, but I thought it was because of one 1800's English life, when my uncle lived in Rajasthan, and as a child I used to spend some time there, and became good friends with his Sikh guard and the guard's son.

But I don't know why Babylonia came through loud and clear. If I was forced to guess, I'd say I had Babylonian (Jewish?) heritage, but my husband was a Hindu Indian. I just read today that Persia conquered Babylonia at one point of history, so maybe I lived in Persia with my Babylonian roots, and my Indian husband married a woman from a neighbouring country for one reason or the other. I don't know for sure, but I can't wait to do another regression and/or some more research to find out!

This entry is long enough like this without the details of my experience, but maybe I'll share them later. Now I think I need to do this poetry assignment for my Open University course before I go to buy the materials for my Christmas letters and then to pick up Juudit from her nanny. We're borrowing Karlo's parents' car today and Karlo will drive us home, so we're escaping the long buggy ride, the tram and the bus. What a nice way to start a weekend. :)

Have a good weekend, everybody (I know I have a couple of readers, even if you never comment, lol) (btw you're welcome to comment in Finnish, too)!

Being a free writer

This has been my first week working as a freelancer. So far I've liked it enormously! I've been busy, but in a good way. Juudit's old nanny is taking care of her for now, because of the mess we got in to after the new daycare place was cancelled, or actually put on hold. (Juudit will probably start there in January, if we see the new nanny fit.) But anyway, for now I have to take Juudit to Helsinki three times a week to the old nanny, and it takes us at least an hour one way. So it's been a bit of a drag this week, especially when the weather has been bad, but excluding that little detail this week's been great, as I've loved working from home and in coffee shops.

Although, when you're working in a public place, there's always a risk of being disturbed in one way or the other. Of course I could go to a library, where it would be really quiet, but I've found out my mind tends to wonder more if it's too silent, and a little noise is actually good for my concentration. Or maybe I'm just making excuses to go to places, where I can get good latte or tea while I'm working, because my hearing is usually very sensitive and I demand complete silence at home, when I try to work or sleep. Which is of course impossible with a toddler around, so I sleep or work at home only when she's fast asleep herself.

I found it interesting that being oversensitive to loud noises (like me - I'm the one always telling you to turn the volume down if you're watching telly or listening to music) is considered a temperament character in psychology studies, so that it's innate in one's personality. It's only one character typical for sensitive people, who are often easily distracted by external stimuli. I can tell Juudit has inherited this from me, as she's very bothered by some textures, for example, and it was very difficult for her to learn to eat food that wasn't completely smooth. She has also many other characters from the difficult temperament pattern group. Oh joy. *grin*

But I'm digressing. I was supposed to write how sometimes I've had to change to another café if there's been too much noise, like from this one group of artists on Friday morning that had apparently been drinking since Thursday night... But it's not such a big deal, and sometimes you hear very interesting conversations from the other tables.

Thursday was my SAHM (stay-at-home-mum) day, and we went to visit my friend who has two sons - one of Juudit's age and another that will be almost exactly one year older than Bumpie. It was great to see them, as it had been too long a while. Also this weekend has been brilliantly easy, even though I've been working a little, and we've also put together some new furniture, but still - we have just stayed at home and enjoyed some family time together. Saturday was Finland's independence day, but it's not traditional here to really celebrate it. We also settled for making glogg (mulled wine) drinks and baking some Christmas pastries, and watching the festive presidential reception on telly.

Now we'd better start watching the taped Finnish Pop Idol from tonight so that we'll be done with it before they broadcast the results. There are only three competitors left, and I like them all, so I'm not very passionate about this final today.

Looking forward to another busy-in-a-good-way week!

Just a quick note

Tehehehe, I spent hours yesterday creating that new avatar at www.meez.com. When I was ready it was already 1.30 am and I simply couldn't make myself to post an entry anymore, but I want to now both acknowledge and apologise from Dori, who has a very nice blog called From A Yellow House In England. For the moment it's the only blog I follow, because I seem to be very picky and haven't had enough time to look for other good ones - I'm sure there are some out there, though. *grin*

Anyway, besides liking Dori's blog, I thought her animated Meez avatar was so lovely I wanted to create one for myself. So I did, and yes, it took me hours, because it was so difficult to decide which features to pick. I didn't want to copy Dori and have a similar avatar, but there just weren't any animations that would've been good for my blog, other than the laptop one that Dori also has.

So I'm sorry for copying both the Meez avatar and even the animation part in it! Maybe one day I'll come up with something original, but now I love having that cute picture here.

We're going to have a boy

I haven't been blogging in many days, but last week was crazy busy in many respects. Like I posted the last time, it was my last week working in publishing, and getting ready to leave plus making preparations for this new phase in my life took a lot of time. Also, Juudit was supposed to start with a new nanny at another family's home this week, but due to sudden and unexpected changes in that family's life that's not going to happen at all, or at least not in the following couple of weeks.



Arranging those things was time-consuming, too. Now Juudit's old nanny from when we lived in Punavuori will be taking care of her part-time for a couple of weeks, and the grandparents will help, too. In the meantime we're looking for a new nanny or daycare place for Juudit. We love Juudit's old, Scottish nanny, but it's a drag for me to get Juudit to Kaartinkaupunki and back by bus, tram and walking three times a week. Especially if it will be raining all the time, like it seems to be now. *sigh*



Anyway, on to good news: We went to an ultrasound scan to see Bumpie today, and found out everything seems to be fine with him. Yes, him, as we also found out he's definitely a boy. Wow. I knew to expect that, as my friend, who is very gifted in telling these things beforehand, had told me ages ago I would be having a boy. Still, I had been hoping for another daughter, but now I need to continue with trying to get used to the idea of a boy. A son. It's so weird.



I have nothing against little boys (or big boys for that matter). I love my nephew dearly, and growing up I was a bit of a tomboy myself, always having boys as friends. I still find it often easier to get along with men than women I don't know very well, even though I tend to get closer with other women in time.



I guess the idea of a boy in our family seems strange, because I grew up with two sisters, and my own family is sort of an ideal to me. Also, I feel sorry for Juudit, as all the little brothers of my childhood girlfriends were really annoying and teasing us all the time. I think another mum-to-a-boy-to-be said it well, when she reflected how girls are the creating force while boys are destroyers. She remembered how she used to weep and have funerals for the little birds the neighbourhood's boys had killed by throwing rocks at them.



I know how this sounds. I know not all boys are wild and destroying, and not all girls are nurturing and sensitive. I might even influence my own children's attitude and views on things to some extent. But then there's the past life baggage.



I have this "hobby" - past life research. It's mostly that I believe in reincarnation and in past lives affecting us in numerous ways. I have realised that remembering your past lives makes you learn a lot about yourself, life and others around you. It's very very useful, and I really love self-exploring. I'm pretty normal, believe it or not, and even though it might sound amazing or crazy to some people that I claim to remember bits and pieces of dozens of my past lives, there's nothing extraordinary or paranormal in it to me. Anybody can remember with a little practice. Many people do that naturally, especially children, but I'm not one of them - although I'm not sure if I remembered as a child.



Anyway, reincarnation and past lives are parts of my everyday life, but I'm not raving about them all the time, and hardly ever to other people, because most don't share my beliefs or are just not very interested. I don't want to "convert" anybody. Reincarnation happens, whether you believe it or not, and there's no punishment awaiting if you don't believe in it - or big rewards if you do. So most of the time I just don't bother talking about it. But this is my journal, and I want to be honest about my life here, and as past lives are a big part of my current one, I need to post about them sometimes, too. I hope you don't mind.



Some time ago I realised one of the patterns repeating in my past lives (repeating patterns are very common in reincarnation, and realising and breaking unwanted patterns is one of the good points in remembering past lives) was problems with sons. In two age-old past lives I remember my child was actually taken away from me, because he was a boy. It was a cultural thing, and thus expected, but because of it I was very much hoping to have a daughter. I believe those feelings with the traumatic experiences about having to give up my sons are affecting my feelings about giving birth to a boy even today.



In addition to those, chronologically very old past lives, I have very emotional memories of a Scottish past life in the 1200's. We lived around or next to Edinburgh Castle and when the English made a surprise attack to the castle, I and my son were suddenly in the middle of a battle. I think we were villagers and supposed to defend the castle, but probably ending up in the middle of all that fighting as a woman and a little boy was an unfortunate mistake. At some point I had to leave my son alone, or I lost him for a moment, and he got killed. This made me feel extremely guilty - to this day. Thinking about those memories makes me still uneasy.



After that there have been several past lives in which I've lost a son. Children died often in the old times, of course, but it still seems to have been a pattern in my lives. Not all those sons died, but sometimes I was forced to give them up for different reasons. Then there are lifetimes in which I had a very bad relationship with my son or sons - and their father.



There are good memories about sons, too, but I'm not sure if there are any lifetimes I remember for the moment, in which I had a healthy, loving relationship with a son, who grew up to adulthood, and I got to live to an old age not abandoning him by dying, while he was still a child. But I do understand that realising all this now in this life makes it possible to work with this issue and to create that good mother-son relationship this time, letting go of the guilt and negative feelings about having a boy.



With these words I welcome you to the family, dear Bumpie!