Being temporarily a SAHM -- and a film freak

Wow, it has been a while, again. Sorry about that. And I wish everyone a happy, happy 2009! The holidays are mostly over now. We're going for an Epiphany dinner over at Karlo's parents next week, but all we have to do is go, so it won't take any organising. Pheew.

Christmas was - once again - super lovely! I can't but love it enormously, and it's great to see Juudit's and her cousin's excitement as they grow and understand more and more about the magic of the season. Juudit was also fascinated of the snow they had plenty in eastern Finland.

Last night, the New Year's Eve, was really easy this year - like it has been for a couple of years, as nobody's really volunteering to babysit then... Hehe. So we took Juudit out to see some fireworks, had a nice dinner of fried halloumi salad and a Finnish delicacy of rice pasties made of rye with this thing called "eggbutter" on them. After Juudit had fallen asleep, we had also some pink champagne, watched a couple of good films and then went on our balcony to see some more fireworks around midnight. It was a nice evening in a relaxed way, and I'm looking forward to a nice year with the family growing. Being a little scared of it, too, though...

One of the reasons why I haven't found time to blog lately is that when I've been around, so has Juudit. We're still looking for a new nanny/daycare place for her, and even though she's sometimes at the grandparents', I've spent several days alone with her after Christmas. I have to admit I'm not naturally talented in beinga stay-at-home-mum, but I guess I could manage a couple of days every now and then, if we hadn't just (finally!) taken Juudit's dummy away from her, and she would nap happily sucking on that pacifier. Now it's a different story. I know it will pass, but this week she hasn't been able to fall asleep for a nap without her dummy, and my hair is growing grey trying to find ways to entertain her non-stop all day.

She's not one of those children, who will happily play alone. If I need to get something done, I have to play a dvd for her, so she's been watching too much telly lately. And I hate going out to a park with her, at least now that it's winter, so she doesn't get enough of fresh air and outdoor activities. I just can't find the joy in watching children crawling in a sandbox while it's sleeting and freezing cold. And I feel like the lousiest mum, being so frustrated and bored around my own daughter that I love more than anything in this world, and for whom I would do anything. Except for playing (outside) all day long. *sigh*

I have decided I am a good mum, but not every woman was created to be a SAHM (stay at home mum), and I shouldn't worry about it too much. Even Juudit might grow up to be a balanced person despite this short period of too many dvd's and too little outdoor activities. Hopefully next week we'll have a new nanny for her, and the whole family will be a little happier.

What has made me happy these past couple of days is a certain book - and indirectly films. On Tuesday I was going to Helsinki by bus to get my nails done, and to an ice hockey game Karlo had bought tickets to as one of his Christmas presents to me. We used to go pretty often before Juudit was born, so it was really nice to do that again after a long while. Anyway, when I was about to leave I realised I didn't have anything I had to read on the bus because of work or studies. I didn't even have any new magazines to take with me. I had to take my laptop, because I was going to work a little between the nails and ice hockey, so I didn't want to carry any big book on top of that (my laptop is unfortunately quite heavy). So I picked this tiny book from my shelf that I had gotten as a gift already a couple of years ago, but hadn't yet read. Readers from abroad won't know the book or the author, but it was Elokuvamuisti by Katja Kallio.

I have liked Katja Kallio's style also earlier. I read her first novel, Kuutamolla, on one train journey and was deeply affected, even though it's not very deep - almost chick-lit. But I liked her style of writing, and many ideas in the book were so universal, yet fresh (at least that's how they felt then), I spent a lot of time thinking about my own (love) life after that. Her second novel, Sooloilua, on the other hand was a bit of a disappointment, even though I got hooked enough to read it in a day or two as well.


But Elokuvamuisti is a lot like her marvellous third book, Tyypit, in that they're both collections of essays or columns. They're light and entertaining like her novels, but they, too, have those fresh, universal truths, and Katja Kallio has a great gift in phrasing them in an entertaining way. Reading Elokuvamuisti I found myself both laughing out loud and crying. I cry easily and often, but I practically never laugh out loud while reading - or watching telly/films. So kudos, Katja Kallio!




To get to the point, this book is about her love of films. In each chapter she talks about a film or a "film experience" that has impressed her big time in one way or the other. Now I love films, too, and we watch them constantly with Karlo. I like many genres, and know pretty much about films. I just bought Karlo a book about "1001 films one should see before dying" for Christmas. A huge brick of a book, and we've both been really excited about it listing the films that are in the book, but we have yet to see. Yes, you could say we are into films (and TV shows, too - Karlo even did his dissertation on The Sopranos). But I couldn't help but feel this silly jealousy reading Katja Kallio's book, thinking I want to love films as passionately as she does, and be every bit of a film freak she is.

I know it's silly, but what can you do, tehehe. I know I have the same gift of being able to be very influenced by art - let it be a book, film, painting or music - but I still feel my emotions and experiences are not as strong as hers, and I'm not living and breathing the films as passionately. True, I'm not, but it doesn't necessarily make me any lesser a person, eh? *grin*

But the book made me happy reminding me of the power of films (and art in general), and also making me realise how fortunate I am at the moment being able to write about art and culture for a living. Yay! Just give me a good nanny so that I can really get wrapped up in arts and writing, and I'm all good. :)